Feeling random.

Good day :) It's already the 29th of december, and I couldn't sleep. Maybe I am just use to sleeping late. Still enjoying the last bit of holidays before it ends. Soon it will be a sharp turn where life resumes at a faster speed, where days just pass like split seconds. Another year has gone by, somehow I grew up, however, nothing seemed to change, or maybe it has changed too much that I thought it didn't change at all.Happiness arrived along with confusions and sadness, but everything's gone once again and comes the strike of the first second of 2009.
I really don't know what's my feelings now, cos it's really in a confusion, maybe it's just a normal teenager thing, but I just hate it. It's like an endless greed, where I long for something else, yet it never come, but when it comes, there's something else that I want. I never understand myself.
Somehow, the passion is running out, maybe that's how I should describe. The heart that was once burning with passion seem to have died down, into flames that extinguishes and come back again, never knowing when it will really end.
I was once hardworking for the love that I had, but now the reason for me to work hard drains away, I never feel it again, the love, the power that spurs me on. It seems very far away. What was left for me to strive is just the medal that awaits. Sometimes, my passion got back, yet, it ran away as soon as I realised that it's there. I don't know who am I playing those beautiful lines for, I don't know who am I working hard for. It just seems that everything changed to all this unpleasant feelings now, that it's no longer for the love. I am struggling between decisions that I have to make. I don't want to leave the once warm and welcoming family that I once belonged to, yet I'm drifitng away cos I am grasping so hard. I tried foraging through all my memories, to find something that's worthy, but it just makes me worse.
No matter how I feel, the earth will still continue to rotate and revolve, so I shan't brood over all these and keep up my pace and get the passion back.



Mahler: Symphony No. 5 - Complete - Gustav Mahler
this is really superb :) but it's about one hour :D

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